Disagreements between friends are a normal part of childhood. As children grow and develop social skills, they will inevitably have conflicts with their friends from time to time. While it can be upsetting for children, these experiences also present important learning opportunities if handled well by parents and carers. Here are some tips on how to support children through friendship disagreements.
Listen without Judgement
When your child comes to you upset about a disagreement with a friend, the first step is to listen openly without judgement. Allow them to share their perspective and validate their feelings by reflecting back what you hear. Say things like “I understand this situation really upset you” or “It sounds like your feelings were hurt when she said that”. Avoid taking sides or assigning blame until you have heard the full story. As a parent or carer with orangegrovefostercare.co.uk, the goal is to help your child feel heard and supported.
Teach Emotion Identification
Often, conflicts arise because children have trouble identifying and managing their emotions. They may lash out or say hurtful things when feeling angry, frustrated, jealous or excluded. Talk through the emotions your child experienced during the disagreement. Help them put words to how they were feeling and discuss better ways to express difficult emotions next time. Teach them to take a few deep breaths to calm down before reacting.
Find Common Ground
Once your child has had a chance to express their thoughts and feelings, help them consider the other perspective. Ask thoughtful questions like “How do you think she might have seen this differently?” and “What could you have done to avoid this situation?” The goal is to build empathy and realise that their friend likely did not intend to hurt them. There are often innocent explanations for misunderstandings.
Coach Communication Skills
Friendship spats often happen because children lack strong communication skills. Help your child think through what they could say or do differently next time to avoid disagreements. Role play potential scenarios so they build confidence expressing their needs kindly. For example, teach them to say “I feel left out when you make plans without me” rather than “You’re such a mean friend”. Practicing this when emotions are calm sets them up for success.
Allow Natural Consequences
As hard as it can be for parents and carers, allow the natural consequences of your child’s social struggles to play out. Intervening or arranging “make-up” playdates can inhibit their learning. However, provide ample comfort and a listening ear when they are upset. Over time and with your guidance, they will learn how to reconcile independently by apologising for their role and being a good friend. These life lessons will serve them well as adolescents and adults navigating an ever more complex social world.
Navigating the ups and downs of childhood friendships helps children gain resilience and conflict resolution skills. With sensitive listening, gentle guidance and plenty of support from you, they will become stronger socially and emotionally after weathering these storms. Trust the process and empower them to find solutions that work for all parties involved. They will get there if given the room to navigate tricky social situations at their own pace.
